


take a breath and dance

by lemonheadlester, writtennotsung



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dancing, M/M, Mention of Death, Parenthood, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 20:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20020285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonheadlester/pseuds/lemonheadlester, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtennotsung/pseuds/writtennotsung
Summary: When Phil takes his friend's daughter to dance lessons, he doesn't expect to meet a dad who has a passion for dancing himself, and who's story is, well, interesting to say the least.





	take a breath and dance

Phil wakes up to the sound of his alarm with a groan. He’d forgotten to turn it off now that he has Mondays off of work, so he’s still not out of the habit of jolting out of bed the moment his five a.m. alarm blares to life. Racing to fit in a shower and cereal just because five was the latest working-Phil could possibly sleep when factoring in preparation and commute. To most it probably seemed stupid and stressful to put off everything until the last minute but it helped Phil move around his life. He liked to live it on the edge.

Or at least to pretend he did. He really,  _ really _ doesn’t want to get up. Life isn’t very dramatic when you’re sprawling under twisted covers trying to meld into the pillow in the half-dark, still recovering from the wake-up call while pretending no such thing has happened. This is his day off, he’s living it to the fullest.

He’s not magically the star of some gorgeous movie. This is reality, and reality feels like, well, like  _ not right now thank you very much _ .

Pillows always feel so much softer when you’re tired, he observes silently. He shuts his eyes and listens to the beginnings of morning traffic on the street outside, the chirping of birds that always seemed to start when he did back when he worked. He gets to out-sleep them just this once, it feels like a victory.

At least until some motorcyclist decides to gun it right below his window. The stoplight doesn’t help and the driver takes their time making sure all of Kensington area can hear them revving and then peeling off, possibly all of London can hear. The roar pierces through Phil’s veil of tranquility and he presses his face into his pillow, but it’s too late.

Whatever bubble of a dream he’s been clinging to dissipates and he groans for the second time, channeling his dismay through sound even though the perpetrator will never hear him.

“Tell me again why I moved to London.” He mutters into the fabric, imagining the busy street below his flat like it’s a home invader. “Why I wanted to do this my whole life. Stupid famous city.”

Rewind five years ago, this kind of lifestyle would have been young Phil’s dream. It still is, he’s not an idiot. He’s just dramatic when he’s sleepy. 

After about five minutes of lying face down he accepts that he’s far too awake now, so he rips off the plaster, surging out of his cozy wraps all at once with the grace of a newborn giraffe. He stumbles down the short hall and waddles into the kitchen, his eyes barely open as he trusts his memory of his own apartment to not let him run into anything. 

His roommate, Cara, is already up as usual. She always gets up early to make breakfast for them, and the smell is always something pleasant to wake up to. Her daughter, Lola, is oblivious to Phil as her eyes remain focused on the cartoons on the television, looking about as intent as a child possibly can. This is about standard in the morning anyway, Phil knows she’ll be wanting to play later and he gets no more of a break than the actual parent.

He feels the eyes on him as he rubs his own, plopping down onto the nearest stool and yawning.

“Morning, grumpy!” Cara sings as she places a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes on the breakfast bar. 

Despite himself, Phil perks up a bit at the sight of them. His delight is immediately followed by suspicion, though, when he wonders why she seems so eager this morning.

“What’s the occasion?” Phil mumbles, already grabbing a plate and helping himself. 

She takes time to pass him sugar before answering, distracting him for a moment while she methodically fills a glass in the sink. The classic leadup to any Cara-like conversation. She’s looking fairly awake for once.

“I need to ask you a favour.” Cara admits after taking a gulp of water. 

He rolls his eyes, sparking a grin on his friend’s face when she sees his dismay. It’s one part the hour and two parts laziness. It had been fun at first to try on life with someone else’s child, but once he’d been spilled on and tugged around town and watched the Lion King enough times, the novelty had worn off a little. He loves Lola and he loves his roommate too but one tends to go hand-in-hand with the other. No wonder Cara looks so cheery. She’s about to embark on some break.

He shoves some food into his mouth instead of answering, sighing dramatically at how good it is. “I knew you were being weirdly nice to me.” 

“Oh shut it, you.” She chides, whacking him on the side of the head. She’s smiling as she says it though and sits down next to him on her own stool, eyeing him as he eats like she’s waiting for something. It’s the kind of thing that you pick up on after living together for a while. They have a rapport.

They also each have their own designated stools, the left for Lola, Cara in the middle and Phil on the end. Even their tiny household with Phil as an honorary member has a tradition, which leaves the two adults sitting side by side like uncooperative co-conspirators.

Phil sighs, cutting into his pancakes and preparing for whatever the proposition is. He opts to stare at the potted plant to his left- the leaves are drooping.

“Okay, shoot.”

He has a couple of ideas, but doesn’t actually have a solid guess. His roommate is a wild card, as mom-like at delegating as she is at parenting.

She leans in close to him and makes sure he’s looking at her before she speaks, trying to sound as nice as possible because she knows how far Phil’s laziness can go. “I need you to take Lola to her ballet lessons today.”

Phil stops chewing and raises his eyebrows in question, looking at Cara confusedly. Definitely not what he’d expected. He’d been thinking more along the lines of buying more Crunchy Nut or something.

“Yeah?”

"I have some errands to run, and knew that you have today off.” She says sweetly, winding her arm through his like she does whenever she’s asking him a favour. “I figured you wouldn't mind."

Phil pats her head and her short fluffy hair tickles his fingers. He teases her for the new haircut, but deep down it’s just like the rest of her. Annoyingly endearing.

"How did you even know I had the day off?" He asks, stalling. 

"You mentioned it last night."

He doesn't bother to mention that as of recently he now has all Mondays off. Hopefully Cara won’t ask him to take Lola every week from now on. He likes sleeping. 

Before adulthood, he’d had no idea how much he’d once taken it for granted. Lola is practically his niece at this point, he doesn’t remember what life is like without her, and there’s been more than one night where she’d been wide awake wanting Phil specifically. It’s something that apparently makes sense in a child’s mind.

He adores the little girl, that goes without question. But taking a six-year-old to a dance class half an hour away on a Monday morning hardly sounds like the most appealing thing to him. He knows it means being around too many people and being surrounded at points by screeching kids. He’s never done it, but he can envision it. The darkness of his bedroom and the warmth of his bed seem so much more inviting. He is after all, only human.

But he agrees anyways, he doesn’t give it a second thought. Cara ‘s his friend, and leaving the house may be good for him, who knows? To him, it’s a no brainer.

-

He thinks this every time he passes through here, yet no matter how many times it happens, the thought is crossing his mind again. 

He really wishes he owned one of the flats above the dance studio.

There’s just something about the building, nineteenth century and authentic brick, a small garden out front that just looks  _ cute _ as well as tall, spacious windows where he can just imagine light pouring in as he pushes back imaginary drapes in his mind.

Rent in eastern London is atrocious as it is and Phil has enough of a hassle on his hands just trying to commute here, let alone ever secure a lease in this place. But it doesn’t stop him from feeling the envy as he holds open the car door for the enthusiastic little girl bouncing out of her car seat and skipping across the cobbles, balancing on larger ones with a grace that Phil knows he has never possessed. He swears he was clumsy in the womb.

He’s never been designated taxi before, but it doesn’t seem to deter Lola in any way. So long as her journey ends with the studio as her destination she isn’t going to ask any questions, and it’s not as if Phil hasn’t driven her other places before.

_ Someone has an aloe plant.  _ He notes, admiring the tiny pot in the window.

As soon as he opens the door, he finds a bunch of girls Lola's age scattered throughout the room. Some talking to their parents, some tagging along with one of the instructors, and some other awkwardly standing in corners. With children, it's easy to distinguish introverts and extroverts. 

Phil decides to sit down in a chair that gives him a good view of what's going on. He's never seen Lola in this environment before, and he finds himself rather interested in what she's been doing here.

A few minutes later, a sigh can be heard for Phil's left as someone sits next to him.Phil turns his head to the side to see who’s arrived, and finds a man slouched over on the chair.

He looks to be around Phil's age, maybe a few years younger. Even though he’s sitting down, Phil could easily estimate he’s around the same height as him, if not taller. His brown curls fall over his eyes in a way that obscures parts of is face, but Phil can see the sprinkle of freckles on his cheek. He’s staring across the room, probably at whichever child is his. Phil can tell he must be new by the way he bounces his leg and bites his lip as if he'd never been in this place before.

Of course Phil considers approaching him. He'd rather make conversation than sit in silence the entire duration of the class. However, he doesn't know how he should get the guy’s attention.

He stares at him for a good two or three minutes trying to think of something to say, that is until the man turns to face his with a confused look in his eyes.

"You alright?"

Phil sucks in a breath, completely speechless as he notes the concern in the man's voice. He'd just been staring at a stranger. He's not even trying to be subtle at this point. He feels like a child that had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar, he suddenly feels warm as a bit of blush consumes his cheeks. 

"I-"

He needs to explain himself. Quickly.

"I'm sorry." He stutters. "You just…are you new here? You seemed uneasy."

The man chuckles. Phil immediately notices the dimples that form around his smile.

"I am, actually." 

Phil breathes a sigh of relief. 

"Well. I am too, technically anyway." He rubs the back of his neck nervously. "I brought my friend's daughter today, but it's just a one time thing."

"That's nice of you." 

"Yeah, I mean she's my best friend and we've been living together for a while now. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them."

"I'm Dan, by the way."

Phil takes his hand as the name registers in his mind. 

"Phil."

"So how old is she, your friend’s daughter?"

"She's turning seven soon. Yours?"

"Five. Raising her on my own has been a bit of a hassle, but like you said, there's nothing we wouldn't do for them."

"Cheers to that."

Phil cups his hand as if he were holding an imaginary glass and makes a fake toasting gesture, to which Dan laughs. He copies the gesture and leans back in his seat. He is very clearly much more relaxed than he was at the start of their conversation.

"I take it that's her?" Dan points to Lola, who seems to be chatting with another girl on the other side of the room. 

Phil nods and laughs happily. Lola making friends was the last thing he expected to see.

"Yeah." He sighs in disbelief. "That's Lola."

"That's my daughter she's talking to." Dan reveals. "Rosie."

"Well what are the odds of that?" Phil chuckles.

“So what do you do for a living, Dan?” Phil asks casually. He finds himself weirdly interested in learning more about him. 

Dan’s tiny smile almost seems bashful. He looks away and chuckles nervously as if he didn’t exactly feel comfortable with his answer.

“I work two jobs.” He starts, glancing around the room quickly. “One is at a daycare where Rosie used to go before I switched her over here. It’s nice, but tiring.”

“That’s nice, I actually work with children myself. Mine are a bit older though.”

“Oh really, what do you do?”

“I’m a social worker, at a primary school not far from here.”

“You’re a children’s therapist then? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah. Mostly I help them with stuff like social anxiety, but you wouldn’t believe some of the things these kids go through.”

“I can imagine. I didn’t have a glorious experience myself in school.”

“I’m not sure anyone does.” Phil mumbles, loud enough for Dan to hear. 

He looks up, backtracking to earlier in the conversation. “So what’d you say your second job was?”

That look of nervousness is back.

“Promise you wont judge?”

“Promise”

“The daycare I work at is actually a place like this, a dance studio.”

“Oh, wait...so, what?”

“I’m actually a dancer.” He reveals. “It was always my dream. Me and all the teachers there put on our own performances for the kids and parents, but that’s the closest thing to professional dancing I’ve ever done.”

“That’s so cool though! I would never judge you for that, Dan. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Thanks, I always got weird looks and various offhand comments from friends and family members about it. I try not to mention it to people.”

Dan seems a bit uncomfortable, but when he sees that Phil is genuinely smiling he loosens up a bit.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that from me, and I’d love to see you dance one day.”

Dan’s face lights up.

“We mostly do performances that include the kids, but sometimes we dance alone. We actually have one coming up soon that’s just the adults.”

Phil’s prepared to keep asking Dan questions, but they’re quickly interrupted by the sound of a familiar child’s voice.

"Uncle Phil Uncle Phil! I have a new friend!" Lola chirps as she and Rosie run towards them. She jumps into his arms excitedly. 

"I'm so proud of you!" He praises before letting his eyes wander to Dan's and then to Rosie. 

She's an energetic little girl with butterfly hair clips in her ponytail and a similar hair color to Dan's. Phil can see the resemblance easily. 

"She's my little extrovert." Dan laughs as he ruffles her hair. "She'll befriend anyone who moves."

"You ready to go home?" Phil grunts in exaggeration as Lola rests her head against his shoulder. 

She nods.

Phil observes Dan as he takes one of the business cards promoting the studio from the table next to them and starts writing on the back. He gets lost enough in watching him that Lola starts to slip in his arms.

"You're getting a bit heavy for this." He jokes. He takes a minute to make sure he has a hold of her.

Dan winks and slips a piece of paper into Phil’s hand as he moves past them swiftly.

"Hey, maybe we'll see each other again at some point?"

Phil is confused until he looks down and unfolds the paper. His eyes widen.

It’s his number.

He smiles and looks back up to see that Dan has already gone. He stands there, one hand clutching the paper and the other holding Lola, mouth agape and limps frozen in place.

He lets out the breath he’d been holding in ever since he set eyes on Dan.

"Yeah, I hope so."

-

"Hey Cara, can I ask you something?"

Phil watches her as she washes the dishes absentmindedly. He’d offered to help, but she had told him she was fine. It’s not that she was in a bad mood, sje just seemed to be a bit tired.

She nods, preoccupied with scrubbing one specific plate and zoning out a bit. It's obvious she's exhausted but Phil says nothing. 

"Can I, uh," he stumbles over his words a bit. "Can I take Lola to lessons from now on?"

"I told you I can take care of-"

"I know, I know. But It's really no problem for me, and you know I'd do anything to help you guys out."

"Plus," he adds. "It's on the way to work."

Cara lets out a sort of cackle that has her eyes reading up and Phil eyeing her down in confusion.

"Phil, honey…" she laughs. "You don't have work on Mondays anymore sweetie.”

“Wha- how did you know?”

“You told me.” she giggles. “Remember?”

“Apparently not.”

“So why’re you really wanting to go back? Cause I’m guessing it’s safe to assume it isn’t a new found passion for ballet?”

Phil buries his face in his hands and groans. He can feel his cheeks growing warm.

“I met someone.” He admits. “We didn’t speak for long, but-”

“But he’s cute, isn’t he?”

Phil snaps his head up and stares at her in annoyance.

“Oh  _ come on.”  _ Cara teases. “I’m not dumb.”

“Okay okay. But it’s not just for me though. Lola and his daughter really hit it off so it only makes sense to befriend him, right?”

“Oh, he’s  _ very  _ cute.” she quips, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Okay yes, he’s cute!” Phil admits, giving in after a couple light shoves from Cara. “We talked about the girls for a bit. And then about ourselves.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dan.”

Cara mutters the name to herself a few times, seemingly trying to put a face to the name. 

“Wait, I don’t recognize that name. Is he new?”

“Yeah, his daughter Rosie just started today.” Phil nods.

“And you’re telling me that Lola became friends with her already? You know how shy she is.”

“She was shy, but Rosie approached her and before you know it, they're inseparable.”

“Lucky for you.” She winks suggestively.

“Wait, so does that mean-”

“You can take Lola to class from now on, yes.”

Phil grins.

-

It takes him a few days before he has the confidence to text Dan. He’d already put his number in his contacts, it felt weird to not text. Dan gave him his number after all, why wouldn’t he want him to?

**Phil:** Hey, this is Phil. You’ll be seeing me every monday from now on :) I figured I could take some stress off of Cara and start taking Lola to dance class now that I have mondays off work.

**Dan:** is cara lola’s mum?

**Phil:** Yeah! She’s my best mate ^-^

_ Stop sending him so many weird smiley faces you idiot. _ Phil scolds himself.

**Dan:** that was nice of you

**Dan:** i’m glad i’ll be seeing you more often :)

Phil smiles and notes how Dan tends to type in all lowercase. For some reason, he finds it endearing.

**Phil:** See you monday then?

**Dan:** yeah. see you monday 

-

Monday rolls around quickly and Phil can’t help but actually feel excited to wake up early on his day off.

When they arrive, Dan isn’t there yet. He takes a seat in the same place he sat last time and bounces his leg impatiently. He counts down every minute on the clock and jumps every time someone opens a door.

Finally, he sees him, holding the hand of the same little girl with ponytails, who’s face lights up as she runs towards Lola.

Phil smiles and gestures towards Dan.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Dan jokes. 

Phil blushes when he remembers his conversation with Cara.

“Yeah.”

Dan chuckles and braces his hands on his knees. That’s when Phil notices something interesting.

_ He’s not wearing a ring. _

Dan had already revealed he was single and that he was raising his daughter alone, but Phil is suddenly intrigued by what circumstances lead to this situation. Of course, there are many reasons why someone would have a child, but it makes Phil wonder.  _ What is his story? _

He figures he should just ask.

“Hey uh,” his voice goes hoarse so he clears his throat and starts again. “I’m sorry if this sounds, invasive or whatever, but uh, I was just wondering-”

“Why I’m a single dad?” Dan finishes, turning to Phil with an unreadable expression that makes his heart stop.

He knew what Phil was thinking, What he was staring at. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Phil stutters. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t be, I get asked the same question all the time.” Dan sighs. “It’s not something I like to talk about, but in short, Rosie isn’t my biological daughter.”

“She’s not?”

He shakes his head.

“Did you adopt her? That’s wonderful if you did.”

“...kind of, yeah.”

Phil is all confusion at this point. He finds it hard to believe that Rosie isn't biologically related to Dan, not that it's a bad thing, but he and Rosie look too similar. Coincidences can happen though.

Either way, Phil doesn't ask.

“Would you want to come back to our place? It would be nice to let the girls could spend some time together.”

Dan grins, a lighter expression in his eyes now that the mood has shifted.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” He agrees.

-

**_Phil:_ ** _ so Dan and Rosie are coming over, the girls really like each other _

**_Cara:_ ** _ I take it they’re not the only ones who like each other ;) _

**_Phil:_ ** _ please, don’t make jokes in front of him. We literally just met and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable _

**_Cara:_ ** _ don’t worry about it _

**_Cara:_ ** _ you really like this guy, don’t you? _

Phil thinks about Dan, the conversation they’ve had and he realizes this is something he may not want to admit.

**_Phil:_ ** _ maybe _

-

“So this is Rosie,” Phil points to her as she rushes inside with Lola. “And this... is Dan.”

Dan smiles and holds out his hand as he’s led inside by Phil, who half expects Cara to poke fun at them, but she just introduces herself politely.

Lola and Rosie run off towards Lola’s room without acknowledging anyone. Phil doesn’t bother trying to tell them otherwise and neither does Dan. They both seem to find it rather funny, actually.

Cara offers to show Dan around and Phil is left alone in the kitchen. He doesn’t follow. He lets out a breath he’d been holding in for far too long and he thinks he’ll be able to calm down and act at least a little bit like a normal human being.

He hears a voice from the other side of the apartment.

“Phil, could you microwave some popcorn, love? We haven’t had a movie night in forever!”

Phil chuckles. Maybe leaving Dan alone with her wasn’t the best idea.

He almost wishes he could hear what they were saying. It seems invasive, but Dan is an interesting person to say the least and Phil wont deny that. He meets new people all the time and he has his fair share of friends, but no one is quite like Dan. 

He doesn’t hear voices for a while, and for a few minutes, it’s just him and the sound of popping popcorn.

That is until a familiar voice jump scares him from behind.

“He  _ is  _ cute.” Cara teases softly. Phil spins around, face flushed when his eyes meet hers. 

“Stop it!” He whisper-shouts. He really hopes Dan can’t hear her.

“Where is he?” Phil questions, suddenly worried why’s Cara has come to scare him alone.

She laughs. “Don’t worry, he’s just choosing a movie, since he’s the guest and all. He was  _ very  _ impressed by your video game collection.”

Phil buries his face in his hands. He means to ask Cara why she’s trying to embarrass him but his words only come out in a muffled whine.

“Phil, honey…” She giggles. “You really like this guy don’t you? You wouldn’t be trying so hard to impress him if you didn’t.”

Phil just exhales slowly and turns away, listening to the beeping of the microwave rather than Cara’s words.. But it’s too late, he’s blushing and he knows she can see it. Luckily though, she doesn’t press any further, she just grabs the bag of popcorn and pours it into a bowl before telling Phil to come with her to the lounge and to not be scared.

Obviously Phil trusts her not to say anything blatant in front of Dan, but that doesn’t make him any less nervous. Maybe Cara is right, he does have a thing for Dan, but Phil doesn’t bother putting any more thought into it. He just needs to focus on the present, on not making a fool out of himself in front of his new friend.

-

A few hours, several bowls of popcorn, and two movies later, all three of them had grown more comfortable in each other’s presence than Phil could have ever imagined. Sure, Dan’s a nice guy and he didn’t think anything bad would happen, but two introverts such as him and Cara don’t easily befriend new people. 

He likes to say he believes in fate just a little bit. Maybe it was meant to be.

Dan had paused the movie to go and check on the girls. After he’d been gone a few minutes, Phil figures he should go see if they’re all right. Or maybe something just compelled him to follow Dan. 

Either way, he’s already standing in the doorway to Lola’s bedroom before he can give it a second thought.

He watches as Dan gently pulls the covers over the girls, voice vulnerable as he whispers goodnight. There’s just something about seeing how much Dan genuinely cares about his daughter, and seeing how good he seems to be with children. He can’t help himself. He stares and smiles.

Phil has always wanted a child of his own, that’s no secret. He loves kids and the closest thing he has now is Lola. Obviously, it doesn’t matter if they aren’t related, he cares about her and he feels like that should be enough.

Then again, it’s the idea of having a kid of his own, or even with someone else, someone that he loves. He’s always been one to dream of a life like that, not to say he isn’t happy with the one he has now.

He shakes the thought out of his head and heads back into the lounge before he can be seen by Dan. Maybe he’s just a hopeless romantic, but it’s not a bad picture. It really isn’t.

_ One day. _ He thinks to himself.  _ One day. _

-

When Dan finally makes it back to the lounge he sits down next to Phil on the couch.

They’re halfway through the movie when Phil notices the soft yawn that comes from beside him. Dan’s eyes are fluttering and Phil knows he won’t make it another ten or twenty minutes before he falls asleep, not at this rate.

He looks at him and smiles. Then he looks down.

Their hands are so close to brushing. Phil has to suck in a breath and hope that no one noticed his slightly panicked expression.

Dan yawns again, louder this time, and before Phil can even entertain the thought of asking him if he’d like to sleep in the guest room, his head falls on his shoulder and his eyes fall shut completely. 

Soft curls brush against his neck and Phil loses his train of thought as a wave of anxiety hits him. He takes a deep breath and lets the panic wear off, and when he opens his ADan is asleep on his shoulder, completely oblivious to it all. The sight fills his body with a fluttering feeling.

_ I can get used to this, _ Phil thinks. He can’t help but smile, despite Cara’s suggestive wink and snicker. 

He isn’t sure exactly what his feelings towards Dan are yet, but he doesn’t care. He’s too tired to think about such complicated things, so he gives in and rests his head against the one on his shoulder.

Needless to say, he doesn’t finish the movie either. 

-

After that night, the awkwardness is gone for the next part. Dan and Phil text each other nonstop for the next several days, from home, from work, and even in the middle of the night when they should be asleep.

Phil gets home from work Friday afternoon, already preparing to text Dan and tell him all about is day when his phone dings.

**_Dan:_ ** _ Hey, are you free tomorrow? I was just wondering if you wanted to come watch our performance at noon. I’d pick you up, of course. I understand if that’s not your thing but I would really like to see you there.  _

“What’s it say?” Cara whisper-shouts, as if Dan were in the room with them and they need to communicate as if they were gossiping. 

Phil jumps, not even having realized she was standing behind him. 

“He invited me to come see his dance recital.” He tells her, knowing fully well she’d already looked over his shoulder and read the text.

“That’s so sweet!” She chirps, gripping Phil’s shoulder and staring at the screen giddily, as if she were witnessing some kind of live fanfiction. 

Phil hesitates, knowing fully well that she may tease him if he says yes.

“Oh, give me that.” 

Cara snatches the phone from Phil’s hands and runs around to the other side of the breakfast bar.

“Hey!” Phil shouts after her. “Give it back!”

“What? You’re free tomorrow.”

Once Phil finally gets a hold of his phone he sees what Cara sent Dan.

**_Phil:_ ** _ I’d love to! You’ll be here around 11:30? _

**_Dan:_ ** _ sure thing :) was thinking you me and rosie could all get dinner after? _

**_Phil:_ ** _ sounds great, see you tomorrow then ;) _

Phil groans.

“Oh my  _ god  _ did you honestly have to include the winky face?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t want to go Phil, I’m not stupid.”

“I never said that, but-”

“But you never would have responded to him.” Cara says knowingly. 

Phil stares at her, unsure what exactly to say.

Cara waves and walks backward towards the hallway, laughing with a big smile.

“I’m right again, Philly!”

-

Phil spends about an hour deciding what to wear the next day. With Cara’s help, he settles for a simple button up polka-dotted shirt and a pair of black jeans. It feels right.

The knock at the door makes him feel a bit anxious, knowing it’s Dan, but when he answers it and he sees his face the nerves slip into a strange relaxation. It’s like Dan’s tiny smile has some sort of therapeutic effect on him.

“Are you ready to go?” Dan asks. Phil lets out a breathy sigh when he sees Rosie, holding Dan’s hand, hardly able to stand still. He chuckles and nods,

“Yeah, I am.”

-

This studio is pretty similar to the last one, other than it being a bit smaller. Once Dan disappears backstage it’s just Phil and Rosie in the front row. They seem to be the only ones there aside from people who work at the studio and are too busy setting things up to notice them. 

“Daddy loves dancing.” Rosie chirps, snapping Phil out of his thoughts. 

“Does he usually invite people to come see him?” Phil asks.

“No. He never talks about it.”

That strikes Phil as odd, but not in a bad way. He can’t really put his finger on why it makes him feel the tiniest bit gratified. It does, though.

He mostly just stares ahead at the empty stage as the room slowly fills with children and their parents. He isn’t paying attention to anyone, but it hits him how quiet Rosie has been so far. For such an energetic child, Phil is surprised she hasn’t been giving him a headache during the wait.

Finally, the lights go down and an announcer walks on stage to introduce the show. Phil doesn’t really hear the speech, he’s too focused on waiting for Dan. So many questions are running through his head as the audience applauds and the music stars.

It’s not like he knows much about professional dancing.

The program indicates the show is fairly short, but as it progresses Phil is amazed by how much they are able to fit in such short amounts of time. He can tell every single performer he sees takes what they are doing very seriously. He gets so lost in the choreography and music that he nearly misses Dan when he comes on stage. 

Nearly, except he’s been on the edge of his seat waiting for him the entire time.

He stands back by the curtain waiting for his turn and they make eye contact. He almost looks flustered. Phil thinks it may just be the lighting, but based on what Rosie told him, he knows that he could very well be embarrassed about this.

_ If only you knew _ . Phil thinks wryly. He definitely has some  _ thoughts  _ about this look, and the anticipation is a happy rush for sure.

He's wearing the same costume as some of the other dancers. It's quite simple, just some black leggings and loose shirts, all different neon colours. He has a bit of glittery makeup on and he's also holding a flag of some kind, balanced in both hands expertly. The glitter casts a shimmer on his eyelids and the heights of his cheekbones, making him look otherworldly and, frankly, gorgeous.

Phil waves at him, taking note of his bashful smile.

Dan tears his gaze away when the music changes pace from the previously slow piano to an entire orchestra playing a rather fast paced song. He moves towards the center of the stage quickly, starting the next segment of the show with the rest of the group. The routine is clearly well-practiced and Phil watches as he steps forward with a few people while some of the others hang back, arms lifting upwards and head tilted back like he’s about to take flight.

Then, it begins.

Phil doesn't know much about dancing, but he can tell that Dan is  _ good.  _ He might've mistaken him for a professional dancer rather than someone who just volunteers his time at a children's dance studio.

He sprints forward, spins around and tosses his flag, catching it with confidence. The flags fly at different intervals and it gives the effect of rolling waves as the dancers weave in and around one another, rising up and then swooping down towards the stage as though gravity is secondary.

And at the heart of it all, is Dan. Phil can hardly pay attention to the show as a whole, he can only focus on Dan and how  _ happy  _ he looks. 

He holds the flag rigid before moving for center stage, arms going out before he spins again, picking up speed, and then jumps centre stage with arms stretched, flag twirling and spreading so that he’s a whirlwind of motion and colour.

He really could be flying.

Only one thought registers in Phil’s mind.

He's  _ beautiful.  _ Dan Howell is absolutely, incredibly beautiful.

Of course that's not a fact he would have denied before, but there's something about seeing Dan in this way, doing something he clearly genuinely loves, that just hits him. Not just because the movements are graceful or even just the fact that it might be more than the dancing itself. Before he could try not to think about it, but he’s hyper-aware now that seeing Dan like this, fully open and vulnerable to the world and so impossibly in his element and happy that just makes something twist and then burst through his chest all at once.

He might actually like him.

Phil sinks back in his seat as the realisation sets in, and he can feel his own cheeks growing warm as he feels his face. 

He can't take his eyes off this man, he's nearly forgotten how to breathe.

He  _ likes _ him. He likes Dan. It’s not exactly hard-hitting news, but the thought is in words now. It’s not leaving anytime soon.

And the most wonderful thing is, the world keeps moving. Things don’t come crashing down, he doesn’t feel the rush of terror or insecurity that used to come when anyone so much as smiled at him at a party he didn’t want to go to. Dan glances his way for half a moment mid-motion and Phil just feels a swell of affection. It’s suddenly strange that he hadn’t been sure before.

He likes Dan. And it makes sense.

Almost as an afterthought, he glances over at Rosie. She’s been still and quiet all throughout the show, and he wonders if she knows somehow. The lights are down for a moment but the spotlight pans over to cross her face.

She doesn’t even notice he’s staring. Her eyes are alight and she’s smiling in awe, watching every motion like it’s the best thing she's ever seen.

It makes him feel something, something he can’t quite put a word to. Him and Dan have such similar situations and yet there’s so much he still doesn’t know. Despite this, Phil can see that his daughter looks at him like he’s everything in the whole world.

The show finishes after the dancers all bow and they exit the stage in a rehearsed, single file. Phil can't be bothered to pay attention to anyone other than Dan until he disappears behind the curtain and he's just left staring into space, replaying the moment Dan had met his eyes and every motion that had followed after.

He can't remember the last time he's ever had a genuine crush on someone. Maybe high school, maybe university? He just knows that this something unlike anything he's felt before. People are standing up to file out of the room but he decides to wait, knowing Dan probably won’t stay backstage long when there’s so many people in a small space.

Rosie is still sitting quiet and patient, clearly used to spending many nights like this. Phil doesn’t know what he’s feeling. 

Mostly, he's scared. Out of all the people he could have fallen for, this was the last thing he expected. It’s like he’s consumed all the sugar in the world. There’s a rush, a whoosh of feeling that’s lifting him up and carrying him away.

He doesn’t know when that shift happened, when his mind decides that despite them being unable to even talk about it, he seemed convinced that Dan was undeniably his. Of course they’re not together, he knows that. But he’s never felt like that. Like being  _ with _ someone would be fine.

He doesn’t know what Dan thinks. It almost doesn’t matter right now. He just lets himself feel this for a moment, sitting there and wondering how on earth a dance lesson had led to this.

“Phil!”

He hears his name and he immediately stops zoning out. Phil catches sight of Dan and his mind goes blank yet again. He feels what he’s just felt all over again. And he loves it.

Changed out of his costume and back into a normal tee and jeans, face washed and cleared of makeup and cheeks still slightly red from all the exercise he'd just done, Dan looks ruffled but so alive and happy. 

Even now, looking at him like he's seen him so many times before, he still looks frustratingly beautiful. Rosie immediately hops up and charges into his arms, but Dan meets his eyes.

He starts to head towards him with a smile on his face, quickly and subtly trying to think like a normal person again. Dan does the same, a shy smile on his face.

They reach each other in a few short steps and it’s clear Dan’s a bit flustered. He grins at Phil and hoists his daughter into the air, and it takes Phil a moment to snap himself to attention.

"That was...unbelievable." Phil breathes.

“Really?”

It’s almost like Dan doesn’t believe him. Like everything else, he’s still uncertain of himself.

“Yeah!” He hopes he sounds sincere. He feels sincere. “You’re amazing.”

“I’m not!” But he’s laughing now, and Phil takes that as a victory.

“Whatever you are, it’s clear that you love it.” He looks at Dan and Rosie already beginning to nod off and can’t think of anywhere he’d rather be. He almost wants to reach out and hug Dan.

“I can’t believe you agreed to come.” Dan admits. 

“You’re surprised?”

“Well, no but-” he blushes and the expression is so adorable Phil can’t help but grin, which has them both smiling. 

“I don’t… ask people to watch me often.” Dan admits.

“I’m glad you did.”

Dan smiles again but it’s clear he’s not sure what to say. Phil just hopes he’s not feeling insecure, because what he’s just seen was amazing.

"Well I'm sure you're wanting to get home now." 

"Not really." Phil shrugs. "I've had a lot of fun."

He can see the blush on Dan’s face. That, combined with his dimpled smile and the shy laugh he lets out makes for an endearing sight.

"You had fun watching a group of grown adults doing ballet?" Dan half-jokes.

"I did! Is that so hard to believe?"

Dan doesn’t respond, he just laughs awkwardly again. It’s as if he isn’t exactly sure what to say.

And oh does Phil know that feeling all too well.

"Well I want to do something for you, I'd feel bad otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"How about we get some dinner, my treat?"

Dan stares at him in shock.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." He reassures him. "You pick a place, any place."

"We ate before this."

Phil wants to crawl into a hole at those words. Of course they did. He feels like he could just die of embarrassment right there in front of Dan and Rosie.

"But…" Dan thinks for a moment. "Rosie's favourite ice cream place is just around the corner. That sound good?"

Phil doesn’t know whether he’s shocked or relieved, or perhaps a bit of both. Dan could have easily rejected him, but he didn’t. 

"Then that's where we'll go."

-

The ice cream is hardly horrible. In fact, Phil wonders why he hadn’t heard of this place until now. He’ll definitely be coming here more often.

They talk about various things with cream covered lips. Their lives, pasts, and anything in between. Somehow the conversation finds its way back to the show, and a question arises in Phil’s mind.

"So I'm the first person you've invited to come see you?"

Dan’s eyes widen.

"What? How did you-"

He stops mid-sentence, and both him and Phil turn to face Rosie.

Phil laughs when she freezes. 

"Rosie told me."

Rosie smiles innocently, mouth covered in chocolate ice cream. Dan hands her a napkin and she giggles as she wipes her face.

"Is that so?" Dan chuckles. 

"You know, you don't have to be embarrassed." Phil reminds him, placing a hand over his. "You were amazing tonight"

Dan visibly shivers. "Yeah?"

"I'll be honest, I could've easily mistaken you for a professional. That whole performance was just ...stunning.”

Phil remembers how Dan told him that most people in his life hadn’t been so open to the idea of Dan being a dancer. He feels sympathetic. Dan clearly isn’t used to receiving compliments and Phil knows no one should ever have to feel like their dreams and passions are wrong.

He’s feels grateful for Dan too. If not for him, he’d still probably be doing the same thing every day, staying in his comfort zone. He wouldn’t have seen a ballet show for the first time, and he wouldn’t have met someone he truly enjoys to be around.

He thinks Dan knows how much he appreciates him. He hopes he feels the same way.

-

Phil reluctantly reminds Dan that he has to get home. It’s not that late when they leave, but by the time they reach his apartment a light snore can be heard from the back of the car.

Dan and Phil turn around to see Rosie, fast asleep.

"I think she's asleep." Phil whispers jokingly. Dan turn the key and silences the car engine, submerging them in quietness and peace so that they can talk for a bit more. It’s not like Rosie will be complaining about them taking too long to say goodbye.

Phil isn’t even sure if he wants to say goodbye.

"You know, I had a good time tonight." He turns to Dan and grins. Even in darkness, he can see the redness on Dan’s cheeks.

"So did I."

"We should do this again sometime…"

Phil pauses as Dan’s fingers brush his. At first he thinks it’s an accident, but when Dan’s fingers lace firmly between his he almost forgets how to breathe.

_ In, out, In, out. _

Dan did that.

Phil isn’t one for taking risks, but something just comes to him naturally. 

"...except maybe next time, just the two of us?"

His heart skips a beat when the words leave his lips, but it feels right. Dan smiles weakly.

"I'd like that.”

Dan sighs. "I feel like I can just...talk to you. About anything."

"Do I give off that vibe as a mediocre therapist?" Phil jokes. Dan laughs too, but his expression quickly shifts and Phil notes how he's suddenly gotten closer.

He wants to say something. It’s what Phil does for a living, he knows there’s something he wants to get off his chest.

"Can I tell you something?" Dan whispers. They’re so close now that Phil can clearly hear his soft voice.

"Of course." He assures him.

Dan sucks in a breath and closes his eyes, exhaling shakily.

"Rosie. So she's not actually my daughter."

At first, Phil is confused.

"Well, not biologically. Didn't you say you adopted her? Or...”

But then it makes sense.

Dan shakes his head. 

"Wait." Phil looks at him and feels slightly guilty for the nervousness that comes across Dan's face. "I knew you and Rosie had to be related somehow. The resemblance is unmistakable.”

Dan nods. “We are related. She's my niece."

It takes a few seconds for it to sink in. Phil's eyes shift over to the sleeping child, shocked.

"What?"

"My... my sister. She got sick when Rosie was about two. Poor thing, she doesn't even remember her mum."

The realisation sinks in a bit further. Phil’s heart aches for Dan. 

"We were never close to our parents, but I never expected her to…"

Phil grabs his hand. 

"Hey...Dan. It's okay."

They lock eyes and Phil doesn’t miss the genuine vulnerability that Dan shows. 

He takes a deep breath, then continues.

"The pregnancy was an accident. It brought her whole life to a full-stop and she just kept getting sicker. She had no one to turn to. I thought I could take care of her."

"She gave me custody of her, in her will. Mum and dad were understandably pissed, kept telling me how I was nowhere near capable of raising a child on my own, that I was ruining my life."

"I'm so sorry."

"I love that little girl with all my heart." He chokes, tears gathering in his eyes. “All I’ve ever wanted what was best for her. Ever since I lost my sister, Rosie has been my whole world.”

Dan breaks. Phil pulls him into a hug and he gasps out a strangled sob.

"You love her.” Phil whispers, running a hand down his back. “And it shows.”

Dan pulls away to wipe the tears from his face and tries to pull himself together. Phil knows he must not have planned on opening up like this.

"Dan, look at me." He urges.

Phil wants to reach up and wipe the tears away for him. He hates that Dan feels this way.

"Don't you ever let people tell you that you're not able to do something. I've seen how much you care about her and I've seen how much she adores you."

Dan inhales slowly and Phil takes his hands.

"You're an amazing dad."

Dan lets out a breath of disbelief that ghosts across Phil’s face. He realizes just how close to each other they are. 

And it's at that point that his heart nearly comes to a stop.

Dan's face is inches from his. And he can see the look of vulnerability in his eyes as they both slow their breathing. Just then, as if their minds were in sync, they both let their gazes drop.

In a moment of panic they look up again with wide eyes, Phil can tell that Dan is thinking the same thing, and that scares him. 

There aren't many tangible thoughts in Phil's mind, but the one thing he could be sure of in this moment was that there was no denying that he wants to kiss Dan.

He's too overwhelmed with emotion and fondness for the man in front of him to even wonder if Dan would want that too before he's suddenly being kissed.

Phil doesn't even know how it happened. He thinks he might have just instinctively shut his eyes and let it happen as soon as Dan leaned in. All he can feel is the pure excitement in his heart and the warm hand against his cheek as his senses go blind to everything else. No child in the backseat, it's just him and Dan. 

He's too shocked to kiss back. So he just sinks into it with ease, allowing Dan to let his lips gently kiss and linger. He somehow finds his hand softly caressing Dan's where it's pressed against his cheek. That's when they pull away and simultaneously slip back into reality.

At first, all Phil can do is stare. A tiny smile forms on Dan's lips and he breathes a sigh of disbelief. Phil can hardly believe it either, but he can't feel relief. Instead he feels guilty, feels bad about this happening. Not because he didn't want Dan to kiss him, no, he's wanted that for a while. But he can only think of where they are, who they are, and all the ways acting on his feelings could go wrong.

His eyes suddenly shift to the child in the back of the car, and that's all it takes. 

He snaps his head away and opens the door. He mumbles a quick 'thank you' to Dan before shutting the door and catching his eyes for a slight second.

Betrayal. Hurt. Disappointment. That's what Phil sees when he looks at Dan. He knows he fucked up, but all he can do is the only thing he's ever done. 

Run.

-

Phil can barely sleep that night. He knows he fucked up, he fucked up bad.

He just wants to slap himself over and over again. How could he have done that to Dan? He wanted to kiss him and he did, but he ran. He fucking ran and now Dan probably hates him.

Once his exhausted brain finally lets him succumb to sleep, he ends up sleeping well into the afternoon, ignoring Cara every time she tries to get him to wake up. She eventually gives up and leaves him alone in the apartment.

About an hour later, Phil’s head is snapping up to the sound of knocking. Frantic knocking. He hadn't been expecting anyone.

Confused and half asleep. He stumbles down the hall and towards the door to see who it is. It's hard for him to squint and look through the hole when he's already having trouble adjusting to the lighting after spending a while in a dark room. Eventually, his vision stops blurring and he's able to see who's on the other side, worry stricken and raising his fist to knock again. 

It's Dan.

Despite the way they ended their last conversation, something compels Phil to let him on before his brain can catch up to his actions and tell him otherwise. Maybe part of him wants to make this right.

Dan mutters a quick 'hi' as he makes his way past Phil and to the kitchen. Phil closes the door sleepily and follows without question.

"Cara took the girls out for brunch." Dan informs as he and Phil sit down. His car keys jingle as he sets them down on the table and Phil fixates his attention on them, avoiding eye contact.

He wants to respond, but all he can think about is how guilty he feels, how embarrassed he is to face the man he ran from after he'd kissed him.

Dan notices Phil's absence of alertness.

"Oh my god. Phil, have you slept?"

Phil hums in surprise when Dan snaps his fingers in front of his face.

"What, no I did, just not much." He mumbles. "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Clearly."

"I'm sorry, I'm a mess. I wish you would have told me you were coming."

Dan sighs.

"Well, we need to talk and I'd appreciate it if you didn't zone out on me."

Phil nods and looks up slowly, meeting his eyes with a sort of fear. Not that Dan would be angry, but that he would be disappointed and that he had ruined everything that they had.

"Hey," he softens his voice, placing a hand over Phil's. "Let's go for a walk. Yeah?"

Phil nods. "Yeah, fresh air sounds nice."

-

They find themselves at the park, walking down the pavement awkwardly until they find a bench.

They sit in silence for a while, staring out at the variety of people passing by and the colourful gardens of flowers that seem to be well cared for. There's an ice cream vendor with a small line in front of it that catches Phil's eye.

_ This would be a nice place to take Lola and Rosie.  _ Is what he finds himself thinking. Of course it's the last thing to be thinking about, considering what he did to Dan.

He needs to talk to him. He really hurt him and he knows it.

“I'm sorry." Phil blurts, guilt pooling in his chest when Dan looks at him with watery eyes.

"Phil...what happened? Did I make a mistake? Misread something? What?"

Phil shuts his eyes and leans his shoulder against the bench. He knows he has to explain himself, he wants to. He knows that he’s in love with this man, he was just scared to be. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt him and he has to know that.

"No, you did nothing wrong. I don't even know what happened to be honest."

"Are you saying you just panicked?" 

Phil shrugs 

"Maybe.”

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just...I was so happy, but then I remembered our situation. I mean...Rosie-"

Dan stops him at the mention of Rosie.

"What does my daughter have to do with me kissing you?"

"Nothing! It's just, the kids I talk to whose lives and familial situations change abruptly, they don't take it well."

"And?"

"I just feel like I barged into your lives, and I thought I had been a bit too forward with you and that I was intruding."

Dan’s expression shifts with an understanding of what Phil has said.

"Rosie loves you Phil. You don't have to worry about making things weird or awkward."

No, that’s not it. He doesn’t understand.

"Would she still care for me if she knew I was in love with her dad?"

He just snapped. The words left his mouth before he could stop them. 

Oh how he wishes he could just crawl into a hole and hide. He regrets the statement as soon as Dan’s eyes widen in shock and he realises exactly what he’s done.

Shit.

"Y-you’re in love with me?"

Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe what Phil is feeling.

"Yeah...I- I think so." 

Dan reaches up to cup Phil’s cheek, just as he’d done before he kissed him. 

Just the thought of that makes Phil weak at the knees. 

Neither of them know what to say, really. Dan kissed him first, but a tiny part of Phil keeps telling him that he might not feel the same way, that none of this matters.

That side of his brain is irrational, he doesn’t listen.

"No." Phil pauses to look up at Dan. "I know I do."

"I-I-"

He realizes how he’s reduced Dan to a stutter and something inside him panics instantly.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Dan cuts him off quickly, a smile taking over his entire face.

"I'm in love with you too." 

It’s not a surprising thing to hear at this point, but there’s something about this whole situation that makes Phil feel like a teenager all over again. 

"You are?"

Dan nods and smiles.

"Yeah."

As quickly as Phil had regretted his previous outburst, he’s suddenly glad it happened. He’s glad all of this happened, because he’s in love, and he can’t be ashamed of that.

"Could we, uh, could we try this again?"

Dan giggles, like  _ actually  _ giggles. 

Phil has already accepted by this point that he’s attracted to Dan, but it still hits him like a bullet every time he thinks,  _ damn, he’s cute. _

"I think I'd like that." 

Dan brings his other hand up to cup Phil's cheeks, just as he had done the other night. It makes Phil go a bit breathless but he's prepared this time. He knows what's happening and he knows he wants it, and he knows Dan wants it too.

So this time, it's him who presses his lips gently to Dan's, smiling as he kisses him.

And all of his fear seems to dissipate when Dan kisses him back. 

It’s that thing that Dan does, like a superpower. He’s able to makes all of Phil’s fear and anxiety vanish in seconds. All from a look, a smile, a kiss.

God, he feels like he’s in heaven.

Dan breaks away for a second and takes a few deep breaths. He doesn’t even bother opening his eyes, he just leans in again. He takes Phil’s face in both of his hands and kisses him with a confidence Phil has never experienced before. He’s used to the shy man that could barely look him in the eye when they first met. This is a whole new side of him, and Phil won’t lie, he enjoys it. 

He knows he needs to stop questions the universe. Sometimes shit happens, and he doesn’t have all the answers. No one ever does.

Even now, he’ll still continue to worry, he’ll still concern himself with every rational and irrational thought that makes its way into his silly brain. But just for now, in this moment, he feels confident. He feels  _ safe. _

He’s found Dan, and as much as he’ll probably forget it in the future, he knows that’s all he really needs.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr @lemonheadlester and @cozydnp


End file.
